Spontaneity..?

Hi friends!

Hope you are all having a wonderful day.

I'm not sure how to start so I'll just jump in.

I have been with my partner for 10 years, I am F30 and he is M28. He is the best, and I don't want this to be about our relationship, it's not about any criticism on his part.

We have been together a while, and have a good relationship for the most part (usual life's ups and downs, learning to be healthy adults together ect ect). I enjoy our sex life, and so does he, however when we discuss where we are at with each other, he mentions wanting more spontaneity on my part.

I seem to always struggle with this for some reason, and I want to unpack it and maybe try to find out why I find it difficult. I find him insanely attractive, physically, emotionally, he is a beautiful human inside and out and does his best to provide for me and our fur baby, so it's not that. I just.. Find it hard to get in the mood randomly if that makes sense? I find I'm most in the mood at night when we are in bed together, but when we are home on weekends, it's like there is this block in my mind, like my brain is saying, no we don't want this, even if my body is reacting positively, and I just don't know why.

Has anyone worked through this? What did you find helpful? Are there any articles or books or anything you can recommend to help me understand why my brain struggles to say yes to or initiate random sexy times?

Please don't take this as the usual 'man wants more sex and puts it onto his partner, who feels they are broken for not doing it'. I want to understand for me, and to maybe help me out a bit.

I'm sorry if this is so long, I wanted to make it as clear as I could!