i hooked up with one of my high school bullies and now i’m confused

I (M25) used to be friends with Wren (M26) who honestly was kind of a dick. We were friends all the way back when I was a junior in high school and to make a long story short, he outed me to everyone in a VERY bigoted friend group. We had a long argument the second I found out and I told him I’d never let him forget this and I kept my word. I won’t lie; I said harsh things, probably deep-cutting insults because of how upset I was. Honestly, it’s been almost a decade so I don’t remember how the conversation went but to make a long story short, he called me some slurs, I insulted his drunk parents, and we blocked each other. The friend group didn’t make it easy on me. Most of my junior year consisted of me getting an obscenely worded text from an unknown number or make friends with somebody and suddenly be dropped. I went

to a high school that was in a more conservative area so the “friends” that I made would get told by Wren about me being gay and obviously that would make people distance themselves from me. Fast forward to senior year, I made friends with the small open-minded group of people and graduated without even thinking about Wren.

When I was in my second year of college, I unblocked Wren because at that point I didn’t care about the drama that happened when we were 16 because I was in a different state and wouldn’t see him again. Oh, how wrong I was.

Going forward another few years, I’ve found an apartment in a more “liberal” and accepting area of my home state and I’ve got two dogs, so I’d say my life is going well. A few days ago, I hung out with a group of friends because it was my best friend’s birthday. It was great; the restaurant was great, my friends were stupidly hilarious, and the food was amazing. However, midway into the night, I saw the asshole. Wren was there with another person who I believe is his friend. Now, I’d normally be so bothered about his presence because I still do resent his behavior but holy fucking shit the man is hot. He evidently worked out and his haircut complimented his face. He was so fucking attractive and it made me angry.

He and I made eye contact at one point but that was the end of it, or so I thought. I got a text from Wren on Instagram and it was almost 5 screenshots of a long, long apology. I understood his perspective—especially the part where he mentioned that the two of us were the only people of color (we are both asian) in the friend group and he desperately wanted to be accepted. I wanted to hate him but that message really did open up my eyes to what he was going through. Despite me still being furious at him, with so much time passing, I forgave him. I still don’t like him because he was such an asshole to me in high school, but I appreciated the apology. His general attitude also annoyed me when he was at the restaurant so I was pissed at him.

I responded to his message and said I’d appreciate it if we talked in person. He agreed, and we did. While we were talking, there was unspoken tension in the air. One thing led to another and he came over my house. I never really thought romance movies were interesting, but that one moment before the characters kiss is completely accurate to what happened with me. I swear, it was almost comical how cinematic the moment was. I kind of insulted him and after the laughter died down, we stared at each other. To make a long story short, we had sex. Twice.

And honestly? It was great. He’s great. We were both evidently attracted to each other. It felt right to hook up. But the fact that it was with such an asshole leaves me conflicted.

I’m literally laying in bed next to him as I type this. I don’t know what to do. He’s so fucking hot but such a dick. Like he’s so fucking attractive it’s driving me insane. I both want to punch him in the face and rip his clothes off at the same time. What in the world is the answer to this type of dilemma?????