Lost in Translation

Lately, I’ve been asking myself, “Am I speaking English? Or am I just misunderstanding other people? Am I the problem?”

I can sum up my experience with Asperger’s/autism like this: I’m speaking gibberish, while everyone around me is speaking an actual language.

I can speak as specific as possible, and people will still respond with confusion. Then I’m asking myself, “am I the dumbass? Do I just not know how to interact with people?”

I could speak, and the listener will say they don’t understand me. But then someone else steps in and says the exact same thing, and voilà—the listener suddenly understands every word.

For instance, my boss asked me to get with another department to change out this picture for one of our offices. I emailed the lady who could help me, only for her to never respond. A couple of weeks later, I’m cc’d in an email with my boss and this same woman. Apparently, she is getting her emails.

I take the opportunity to inquire again about the picture—asking for the vendor like my boss requested. The lady responds, saying she doesn’t remember the name of the vendor. That’s when my boss chimes in and says, “No, I’m looking for the old PO/vendor.” The lady replies in the affirmative, saying that she can have her assistant find what we’re looking for.

Okay, so 1.) I’ve already contacted her assistant—who’s stated that she doesn’t have the info we’re looking for 2.) what did my boss say to make this lady understand her, when I asked the exact same question?

From that exchange alone—I felt as if I came off as someone who wasn’t competent at their job. Every time my boss tasks me with something that requires contacting other people—they either don’t understand me or don’t answer at all. So when my boss follows up, my answer is always, “I emailed so and so, but they haven’t responded to me”.

Granted, I’m sending out follow up emails with no response, but I can’t keep repeating the same answer with my boss like this. It makes it seem like I’m not doing my job—when I’m absolutely putting in effort.

It’s incredibly frustrating when I’m interacting with others. It just makes me not want to say anything at all.

If you ever ask me, “why am I being so quiet?” Nine times out of ten—this is the reason why. I’m tired, frustrated, and annoyed with trying to communicate with other people. I prefer to live my life as an introvert and work alone.

Unfortunately, I can’t have such nice things