Even when you think it's over

My ex, after four and a half years of no contact, has finally filed a modification order on our child support. I found out he had another baby last year and it looks like he finally found a job because for the first time in years I've been getting child support payments for the past couple months. Our support order is only $700 a month for three kids....apparently a fortune to the dude, because he owes me $23,000 in arrears and is already filing for modification.

I've spent the last four years building my career and focusing on my kids since we broke up. I haven't been dating. I haven't been playing the role of stay at home step parent to kids that aren't mine. I haven't had any more children that I know I can't afford to provide for. I put my head down and worked my way up to General Manager in my industry. I finished my degree. I've kept my kids in this crappy little two bedroom apartment with my mom because it allows me to walk to and from work without having to worry about commute costs. I also get the gift of free reliable childcare that allows me to be successful at my job.

My current child support order was given four years ago on the pretense of potential earned income because after we broke up, he refused to work and be garnished. He didn't even show up to our court hearing. It took ages to go through, it was right as CoVid hit and they were incredibly backed up. Because of this, they didn't take away his drivers license like was supposed to happen when he fell into arrears. In fact his job now is working as a delivery driver. In a lot of states, it's a felony to fall behind on child support payments and they'll throw you in jail. Not mine. And now, the state is taking his request seriously that he's too overwhelmed by the garnishments when he hasn't been paying it to begin with and fell behind on purpose. So now we get another court hearing that he probably wont show up to.

My income will be evaluated along with his to come up with the new support amount. I make significantly more than his "potential income" back then. My cost of living expenses have been requested from the child support office, I'm guessing his will be as well. He's living in a much higher cost of living area in a way nicer place than we are.

So now I'm sitting on the prayer that a judge will see all of this and is disgusted by his behavior. My bet is his payment goes down, but I've had a few friends tell me that this could all backfire on him and it can go up. All of the sacrifices I've made in the past four years to give my kids a better life like living in this apartment, walking to work every day, getting raises, extending myself out to local resources like foodbanks, making my mom a part of my household for affordable childcare...it just feels like all of it gets used against me now. I'm getting PUNISHED for being the one left to provide for three kids alone and somehow being able to keep my head above water.

We were together for nine years. I gave him three kids and the best years of my life. I just don't understand how he could be so cruel, so heartless, to let his kids grow up without any sort of significant financial contribution. I don't ask him to help me with childcare. I don't bother him with doctors appointments or updates about their health. I don't ask him to help them with school. I don't ask him to stay off the drugs. I don't ask him to be a part of their lives. I don't ask him for a god damn thing but the financial obligation he owes to them.

All for a woman who cheated on her husband.

I can accept being alone for the rest of my life from the scars of that relationship. I can heal and live with the fact that he destroyed me. I can accept that I screwed up and fell in love and trusted the wrong person. What I can't live with is knowing he continues to go out of his way every single day to destroy them, too.

Sometimes I find myself browsing the stories here just to read about that sweet karma that hits one day when you're finally at peace. Pray for mine, if you could.