Ready to move on. Could use some support

I work a full time job which means I’m sober all day. I feel really confident in myself there- my tasks take little effort to complete, I connect with customers with ease, I read/write incessantly on my breaks. Overall, I feel really chill being sober, to the point where I rarely even have the “I wish I was high rn” thought.

It drives me absolutely mad because as the day nears the end, going home and smoking is all I can ever think about. I’ve tried so many different things to avoid repeating the cycle, such as getting rid of pieces, exercising, journaling, distancing myself from stoner friends- you name it. I always go back. And I do literally NOTHING because no matter what strain/THC percentage I consume, I’m turned into an anxious zombie that is incapable of doing even the most basic things that bring me joy.

I started when I was 14 (I know that wasn’t the brightest decision) and now I’m just shy of 23. I had a fucked childhood and used weed to cope with ADHD and undiagnosed c-PTSD. The older I get and the more I learn about how to build a better life for myself, the more I see just how much weed is hindering my growth.

I’ve read so many inspirational posts in this sub that have moved me and pushed me to deeply reconsider my usage. My birthday is in a few weeks and my #1 goal I had set for myself for this year was to quit. I’ve made a handful of attempts, but nothing that has stuck- obviously. I think making this post and engaging with others that get it is the step I’ve been needing to take. It’s been a tough year personally, but I’m tired of making excuses just to keep feeling like shit. I know I’m capable of achieving my goal, I just need support like any other human who’s struggling. ❤️