Day 1: Trying to integrate back into life

PMO for me has been a way to escape life. After 5-6 of nofap I get this constant and restless intense energy that I have to expend somewhere. I feel so overwhelmed that I PMO and then feel relieved for a bit. It's a weird cycle.

So now I am trying to learn to expend my energies in better ways. I have become an internet addict too. Right now it's 12:18 here in my country and I have watched more than 4 hours of YouTube and I feel I shouldn't watch yt anymore today and go actually live life.

I woke up at 5:30 today to do yoga, so that was good. Today was my second day of doing yoga in the morning, I only did 4 surya namaskars today but it's a good start I think.

I bought my first headphones yesterday and listened to music. I have recently discovered how cool music is, and I rediscovered my love for dancing after 5-6 years. I felt that it allowed me to get out of my logical overthinking brain (which tbh I've realized isn't very logical) and feel emotions. I danced for 20-30 minutes today. It felt good.

I had breakfast with my family today and helped them serve so that's better too I think.

More than resisting PMO, I feel I need to learn how to live. For the past few years I read many self help books and watched many Yt self improvement videos. I now feel that the reason I watched them a lot was because I was really disconnected from my emotions, had no internal compass and had many suppressed and unprocessed memories from the past. Now that I am reconnecting with my emotions I feel a lesser need to use YouTube.

I am going outside in a few minutes to walk for 1-2 kms. It's a good start too because I try to avoid life by looking at my screen all day. I need to touch grass lol.

I wish all of you guys a successful journey here!