Flip flop emotions

One second in breaking down going crazy and the next I’m completely fine and feel nothing. I don’t like that. I don’t like the times I feel nothing because it makes me feel guilty that I’m okay? I shouldn’t have moments where I feel okay. My soulmate is literally GONE. But then the next hour it feels like my heart is getting stopped on a million times and in breaking down again. Sometimes I hate what my brain is thinking and it makes me confused. Ugh this is all new to me. My husband died 2 weeks ago and I never lost anyone in my life before him… is this normal?