Questions Answered and New Realizations

I (45HLM) have long suspected my wife (44LLF) of 27 years is asexual. We could could spend days unpacking all that.

I got a little high the other night and I started asking my wife about her sexual relationship with her high school boyfriend, who she dated for a year before we got together.

I asked her about he decision to start having sex with her high school boyfriend. I asked her why she decided to have sex with him and she told me that he was pestering her and he was popular so in a sense she felt obligated.

I then asked her if she ever enjoyed sex with him and the answer was no. I also asked her if she wanted the sex to continue after it started and she said no.

On another night, I asked if she has ever in her life masturbated while thinking of a man. Celebrities, characters in a movie, crushes? Nope.

Now I know everybody is different and that's completely fine. But from my perspective, we are only confirming what I've always suspected. We are extremely different.

In a way, it's coming as a relief. I spent years wondering why I never did it for her. I'm handsome, intelligent, and funny. It was never me and my mental health has been through a lot over the years.

Now I am starting to think about where to go from here. She's my friend, no doubt about that. I just have feelings for her that she will never have for me. I feel alone in my marriage. Knowing she will never bring enthusiasm to our bedroom, I think I'll pass from here on out.