Do they ever stop?

I recently have gone no contact with my parents (narc mom, enabling dad). It’s been a long time coming, but I finally feel like I broke. Seems like things have come in waves.

When I was getting married, everything was great unless I didn’t do what she wanted for the wedding. Things got bad for awhile until I told her we wanted to have kids, then she was so great during my first pregnancy. I thought maybe this would finally wake her up to see I was my own person (finally at age 30). Then after having the baby, it was terrible. She had convinced me to use her as a babysitter instead of getting a daycare, but she was so inconsistent in being on time. My job was flexible on hours so she would literally not show up till late afternoon and get mad at me for “rushing” her. I thankfully was able to find a mother’s morning out type place once I realized this was going to be a pattern, and my mom was so mad at me. I had two miscarriages in 2020 and my mom made it all about herself. Then I got pregnant with my now three year old, and she was so mad at me. Telling me my dr had told me I couldn’t stay pregnant and I was just hurting another baby. (Dr had never said this). All this plus more we put up with until last year, she just started getting more angry out of nowhere. And I will add that she’s had medical issues over the years that have made us be very cautious about addressing these issues. But looking back, so many of her issues were made into larger issues than they were. The few events that were my final straws: my oldest (6 year old girl) spent the night over there one night for the first time in a long time, the night before her birthday party. My oldest doesn’t sleep very well and can get overwhelmed really easily. My parents wanted her to put on her shoes before coming home, and my daughter didn’t like the shoes (they were new shoes my mom had gotten her that were rough on her feet/had given her blisters). My mom was so angry at her, yelling, calling me, yelling at me. They ended up skipping her birthday party because mom was so angry at my child… for not putting on shoes that gave her blisters. And then a month ago, she called me to say she was divorcing my dad. There’s been a long history of her saying she’s leaving him when it’s really just a temper tantrum about something not going her way- and this time it was that my dad didn’t do anything big for her birthday so she got mad.

I wrote her a letter with help from my therapist explaining some of the things I’ve been frustrated with, just saying I felt like we needed to deal with them before I feel like we could have a good relationship.

Well, she lost her ever living mind. Started calling my husband saying I was emotionally unstable. Texting constantly. Emailing me and him multiple Times while also telling us we needed to stop emailing.

I told my parents I needed to not talk for a while, and mom just won’t accept it. She would make up emergencies that she would need me to deal with immediately (for example, my cousin had sent some hand me downs to me, but they got dropped off at my parents house. The hand me downs have been there for a good month before I went no contact, but one day two weeks ago, mom told me I needed to come get them ASAP that day or else she was going to donate them because she didn’t have room for them in her house. (Her two story plus a basement house that only she and my dad live in). Stuff like that.

I have finally blocked her- on literally everything. Email, phone, IG, etc. my dad can still call but has chosen not to. I thought they’d finally calm down after a few weeks and I could get some more therapy sessions and decide how to move forward. Well…. The one thing we had not dealt with was getting off the family phone plan. We’ve always paid my dad whenever the bill comes in, and I just completely forgot about it in all this mess. And the other day, a friend called me because they figured out my mom had called them/left a voice mail (vm doesn’t say anything, you can just hear her voice saying “it went to voicemail”). There’s no way my mom would know this number other than looking at my phone bill. I’m livid. Idk why this has been a tipping point. I mean, the yelling at my kid really was when I started trying to for real back off, but this just feels next level. It just feels like I don’t really have control over my life. I of course am going to be changing the phone plan asap but it just feels like a constant chess game, having to be one step ahead all the time. I’m tired of living like this. Going no contact has been so good in many ways, but there’s still this huge aspect that I literally don’t even know what to do.