I want to convince my ex to accept my parent’s offer to move in to their spare rooms but need help on what to say to him to get him to agree!!! Help :(

My (29f) ex (29m) and I have 50/50 custody of DS (6m). We kept everything cordial during our separation and divorce but lately my ex, John, is falling behind on DS’ expenses approaching $2k and making some questionable decisions regarding our son’s wellbeing.

For over a year John has lived in a small studio efficiency (converted garage of a house). It is essentially a room with a mattress on the floor (that DS and John SHARE), kitchen and bathroom.

Last year, John made the horrible mistake of leaving DS alone at his place for almost 2 hours. My son called me on a Monday morning while I was on my way to work saying his dad wasn’t there. I was livid. It took me over an hour to get to my son because of morning rush traffic and took John an additional 20 minutes after I got there. Did I say I was LIVID? But when John got there I went numb. I couldn’t believe he put my son in danger like that. Luckily nothing bad happened buy I was so shaken up and overwhelmed I kept DS with me for a few weeks while I decided what to do.

John was extremely remorseful and understood his fuck up. (Tbh i don’t remember what his excuse was for leaving him alone but there doesn’t exist an excuse i would accept so i kinda dissociated at this point)

He begged me to forgive him constantly and after I collected myself days later I told him my trust was shattered and he would have to gain it back before he could stay with DS again. I have known John since we were 12 so I know he is a good person and I KNOW he loves his son and my son loves and misses him if he spends too much time apart.

During this time my parents offered John a room at their house. DS is their only grandchild so they already have his room setup (including a bed) so John would only need to setup his room. But he turned it down because his long-distance girlfriend didn’t like the idea he would be living with his ex in-laws.

After a lot of back and forth and empty legal threats from my end, we moved past it and he did not move in with my parents. We have not had another incident since.

But here’s the but … I still think it is in my son’s best interest to remove him from that living situation. DS calls me yesterday and shows me how disgusting their bathroom is. It looks like John has never cleaned it since they moved there. It is appalling how my 6yo is the one having to point it out and complain about it. DS also complains about the small space. Ds has his own room at my place and it hits him hard transition weekly from his own bedroom to a shared mattress and a “disgusting” bathroom as he puts it.

My parent’s offer still stands and I want to Strongly encourage John to take it but I am not sure how to go about it. The first time we brought it up he says that he is DS’ dad whether we like it or not and him struggling does not make him a bad dad and that he plans things will be better.

But this isnt good enough and I dont really have a leg to stand on regarding DS staying with him. Yes, I can sue for the money but that is not my biggest concern. My main concern is my son. How should I go about it???? Idk help please