[555] Mind-Transfer

Good evening all.

I wrote this story and am looking for to be destroyed criticized. Link to story: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_OvGFWlOrfwQ4MA9XB65ep4UQRhhEQxQPralg0gO3H0/edit?usp=sharing

Critic: [2254] White Lily

FEEDBACK THAT WOULD BE USEFUL:

1. Parts where the story lacks and needs polishing

2. is it too long and boring or leaves more to be desired?

3. The title is a place-holder, suggestions are much appreciated.

While I do want unfiltered criticism allow me to add a bit of context here. I have been slacking off of writing for a while- I have been writing awful, low-effort stories in order to keep my once-a-week medium streak going. After a long while, I am kicking off the whole writing thing with this new story. I hope you enjoy.