My wife 29f slapped me 32M for second time

Firstly, sorry for the long venting. I need someone to listen to.

A little background about me: before marriage, I was in a relationship with a girl who belonged to a different religion (I’ll explain why this is important). Fast forward to a time when I did something I wasn’t proud of—I was in a long-distance relationship with her while pursuing my degree. I was at a stupid college party, got drunk, and a woman approached me. We kissed in a weak moment, and I think that’s where my downfall started. I never disclosed this to my girlfriend at the time, but after that, I never did anything like that again.

Fast forward a few years, we approached our families about marriage, but they didn’t agree because we were of different religions. We fought for a while, but eventually, we gave up, and she ended up marrying someone else.

After that, my mind went downhill, and I looked for a way to distract myself. So, I hooked up with a girl and even flew to her place, which was insane. We hooked up only once, and after that, we remained friends. I would listen to her sad stories, which made me seem like a therapist to her.

Two years later, I gave myself time to heal from all of this. I stayed with friends, where I completely forgot about everything—my ex, my one-time hookup, and all the other messy stories. I was actually happy and had found myself a good job, so I was in a good mental state to get married. That’s when my parents found a match for me and thought she could be the one for me.

Fast forward a few months, we both spoke, and I told her about my ex, explaining that we had to split due to religious differences. She disclosed her prior relationship, where she was with a narcissist who used to emotionally abuse her. It took a lot of courage for her to come out of it, and I actually admired that about her. It’s tough to break away from a relationship with a narcissist, and she did it.

Before moving to the USA after our marriage, she did something I never thought she would, and my dumb self never saw it coming. She went through my phone and checked all my texts, Google Cloud, etc. She found texts with my ex, my one-time hookup, and other flirty chats that I had before marriage. It was completely my mistake for not deleting them, as I was in a zone of trying to repair myself and completely ignored that. She got really upset after reading those messages and seeing my pictures with my ex. After that, she moved to the USA on my dependent visa, leaving her job and everything back in her home country. She has no friends here except for my circle of friends.

Here comes the saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” She started fights with me, comparing herself to my ex. I clearly assured her that I have no feelings for my ex and that she need not worry, but she still felt really insecure despite my reassurances. For example, I gifted her a lovely journal for Valentine’s Day, but she threw it away immediately, saying that I had given better gifts to my ex. Another time, I arranged a candlelight dinner and a bubble bath for her, and she said, “Oh, you’ve got good experience with this; maybe you did it for your previous girlfriend.” So she started bringing up my ex or my one-time hookup in every argument.

There was this one time when I told her I had kissed another woman while I was in a relationship with my ex. She asked, “Can I slap you for that?” and then she slapped me. I thought I kind of deserved it and did nothing. But I don’t know how I can justify my wife slapping me for something stupid I did almost nine years ago when I was immature. But I let it slide. Since then, I’ve become very vulnerable, and she started using my past in almost every argument, so I just kept quiet. It’s like immunity for her. I told her she needs to go to therapy and that both of us should go to marriage counseling, but she refused both.

Last night, we had an argument. We both got COVID, and I’ve been taking care of her. I’ve given her timely medications, juices, etc. All I expected from her was to at least check on me, but she never asks—it’s always one-sided. I think those feelings built up. So, I made a shake for her, and when she said I didn’t do it well, I didn’t feel bad. Then she complained about severe body pains, and I suggested she take a warm bath, as it might help her feel better. She then snapped at me, saying, “Are you a doctor? You’re talking as if you know everything.” I got mad and replied, “Oh yeah, you say that, but you still take my services for free.” I knew it was wrong to say, but I think multiple feelings had built up.

She got really mad and started texting me horrible things again about my past—how I cleaned my ex’s bathroom, how I begged people for sex, and how I can’t even take care of her. She also said she’s too good for me and that even society thinks so. I lost it then and called her parents and my parents (I know involving family is wrong, but I didn’t know where else to vent since she kept bringing up my past). She got so mad that I called my mom, threw a glass on the floor, and I told her she needed to go back to her home country because I think we’re done. She got mad and cut her hand with the broken glass piece. I got really scared and called 911, but she told me there was no need to call as she was fine. I cleaned up the whole mess, and I got so mad that she had done this. After some time, I told her I had made up my mind and didn’t think we were good for each other. She got mad again, got up, and then fainted. I gave her water, and after drinking, she asked me again if she could slap me. I said okay (thinking that she wouldn’t actually do it). She slapped me again. That’s when I clearly made up my mind that she’s not right for me.

After some time, she came and apologized, asking me to make things right between us. I said I needed time and that we would talk tomorrow. Then she brought two kitchen knives and said that if I didn’t resolve things, she was going to hurt herself with those knives. I got scared, and at that moment, I agreed to whatever she wanted. She hugged me, apologized, and promised never to bring up my past again, begging me not to ruin her life and asking what would happen to her parents.

Now I’m at a stage where I don’t know what to do. I’m so thoughtful—I take her on trips, I encourage her to make new friends (she never does), and I suggest that we have some hobbies together, but she never likes anything. She loves scrolling through Instagram reels. She doesn’t have a job right now, as she can’t work legally until she gets work authorization. I also bring her flowers from time to time, I cook, I clean, and I don’t even ask her to do anything. But still, why does she bring up my past in every argument and ruin everything? And is slapping okay? What are my options now?