Hi atheists, I just wanna know how do you guys live without God?

I have been Christian since I was four, but tbh I only got serious last year. previously I didnt really communicate with God uk. and I would've ended myself if I didn't know Him.

Im just curious, please don't fight in the comments let's respect everyone's views. and I just wanna understand

I would be dead without God. I can't live without Him cuz everytime I leave, my life spirals into darkness again. I'll be depressed, cut myself and stuff (before I really knew Him) and always have suicidal thoughts. but one day I was crying in the toilet because I wanted to get away from my mom and I was finding ways to jump off or stab myself with the knife in the kitchen. but idk why I started telling God that I needed Him and I begged Him to help me through the period right. and i never did any of self harming anymore. and till this day I really don't know whether I would've lived when my mom pushed me past my limits already without His intervention. and recently I just found a lot of peace and joy when I invited Him into my heart. I didn't think suicidal things? i was happy

and maybe the argument is: any other religion can find you that joy. but no. my mom was Buddhist and I did rituals with my grandparents and her before I really accepted Christ. I didn't find no joy in that. I was just trying to live, but without any hope. and the Buddhist ideology is that as long as you do good things, you reincarnate into a better person(in position) and if you did terrible things you reincarnated as an ant so people step on you and you die over and over again. this is not hope and not a reason to do good things. a lot of other religions also believe about doing good. but it's never about true love to help one another? I've only noticed that Christians do good out of the kindness and love for everyone because God loved us first. but other people fear what punishments they would face if they don't. it feels fake? and not genuine. I'm not saying that non-Christian don't have good hearts. yes they do but then being evil and all is also "free".

I've tried to wrap my head around this for a while. I remember when I did terrible things before I truly came to Christ because I didn't know what living hope was. I clung on to temporary things like what if my family/friends are hurt if I die" or "man I needa grind on this game so I'll live to see how far I can go"(yes I'm serious HAHA). but when people end themselves, I just feel bad because I know what it's like to be hopeless and conformed by what society wants you to be. I only felt the real love in God and I felt this never ending hope I never felt before. I live for doing the works I was called to do until I finish the race and see God face to face.

I don't know how I would survive without Him I don't know how I would be happy without Him too. I wanna know what makes you feel the desire to live and what makes you want to be rich with money and not with meaning. thank you :)