Why am I heartbroken if I’m not attracted enough?

So I have met my bf online and we were so far from each other that it took us awhile to meet I got too attached to him and we used to call twice a day and share all our secrets even though we weren’t dating yet, After we met I was shocked, he looked different from video chats and I was very disappointed with his looks but still somehow I chose to date him cuz we were on a trip and idk I couldn’t process what’s happening However I thought I would just break up with him when we are back home, but I’m struggling so much to do it.. when I try to I miss him so much and I can’t stop myself from texting him again, and I feel like I’m stupid and empty But when I’m with him I always think like why am I doing this.. I’m not attracted to him anyways.. Idk what to do 😭 idk what I’m feeling I just feel lost Has anyone here been through this? What do you think I should do?