Why am I still here?

All my life I've never really felt like I'm here for a reason. Idk why I'm here. I fell in love but that never really lasts. 4 year long relationship ended just 3 weeks ago, and my birthday is in 2 days. I feel pathetic and weak. Idk why I'm here. Why won't I just disappear? I find no reason to be here. I'm merely existing. I've never felt so broken. Idk. I find no reason to be here. I just feel pathetic and worthless. I just want to find meaning in life. I want to fall in love and stay that way, I want to be happy, content. But nothing ever seems to change. I feel so defeated. I give up. I'm so tired.