[1304] Untitled

Ok, trying this again. This is the first 1304 words of a literary novel in progress, the opening page and part of the first chapter. I posted here with just the opening previously and received good feedback that I incorporated, and now have more written.

My main concerns are thoughts on the prose and whether or not you would want to continue reading, although any thoughts are welcome.

Crit [4634]: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/Jgy2nI3EHT

Link to first 1304 words:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1ksIWNjtIbUuDpqtXS3OIEZzA7NU_XnZH5dMag7Bizmc/edit