I reacted badly to my mother pulling at my shorts and now she's angry at me

so like. i'm mixed, my mother is from a culture that i am sort of part of but didn't fully grow up in. and in her culture it's very normal for friends and family to be very bonded and touchy, like people will smack each other's asses platonically for laughs. it also extends to just expecting hugs and physical affection from virtually everyone, even people you barely know but have a familial/family friend connection with.

i absolutely cannot fucking stand it. i don't think it's bad or wrong for other people to treat each other this way, i just hate being touched without warning, and get really frustrated when people demand hugs and kisses or grab/pull at me randomly. anyone at all. this includes friends, family, romantic partners, anything. i like my space. but people act as if my discomfort or aversion is an invitation to be more persistent, and it makes me want to scream and slam my head into a wall to show them how absolutely, skin-crawlingly awful it makes me feel.

just an hour or so ago i was drying my hair when my mother began to laugh about my ratty old pyjamas and tugged at them, pulling them away from my body. and i wasn't having it, so i pulled away. but she kept trying again and laughing about it, so i swatted her away and told her to stop. when she didn't stop i got really overwhelmed and raised my voice and slapped her hand away with a lot of force.

and i feel bad about hitting her like that but i'm also really frustrated with her not taking the signal that i said no. i have said many times that i don't like this sort of thing and she didn't listen so like honestly idk i'm just frustrated. this wouldn't have happened if people could take no for an answer!!!! not that it justifies what i did but honestly.

i feel like a stray dog who bites at hands because it can't tell the difference between a feeding hand and a violent one. except i have clear and direct words to express my boundaries and my distress and people act hurt and surprised when i start biting despite several warnings and direct communication.

they're not even wrong that i overreact. the whole incident had me so anxious i've been holed up hyperventilating. i don't know how to get it in people's heads to leave me the fuck alone. how do i politely and clearly communicate this to people? i feel like i've tried absolutely everything.