My husband doesn't realize how depressed I am, but in not about to tell him

TW: baby loss. No, r/miscarriage didn't help, but thank you all the same.

I miscarried at 13 weeks a month ago. If was the attempt at our second kid, and I've experienced a miscarriage before our first. It's kind of a good thing I miscarried, not that it makes things easier. At 11 weeks I got appendicitis, then an abcess where the appendix was, resulting on two lower abdominal surgeries in a few days time, not to mention the imaging and medications.

I have kind of hiding just how much I drink, and have been covering up that I haven't been eating much either. In the past, therapy has been unsuccessful. I'm just fucking done with being constantly sad or angry, so I'm high almost all the time, except for when my daughter and I need to drive somewhere.