I know what you are - a text I'll never send

I know what you are and I know exactly how this is going to end.

You're going to gradually get more distant, cancelling dates at the last minute, taking longer to reply to messages, not replying for days on end, not reciprocating the words that you used to say first.

But it will be so imperceptibly small that it makes me look crazy that I even notice, that it even hurts me. And you'll keep going until you get a reaction out of me and then you'll say I'm too much, this is too intense, it's unhealthy, and you'll leave me.

And here's the thing. If I don't react, if I let you go, then you will go because you know that still hurts me. You'll disappear even though you promised you wouldn't because you know that is the only way left to hurt me when I won't react. But if I do react you'll use it against me, as evidence that I'm crazy and you have to leave me. So either way you'll hurt me.

But I'm not going to make it easy for you. Not this time. I'm going to play so fucking dumb, like I haven't noticed the subtle changes in the way you talk to me, like it doesn't affect me when you don't reply for hours or days, I'm going to pretend that I still hear all the lovely things you used to say in your messages, I will deliberately misinterpret your backhanded compliments as just compliments, I'm going to pretend to be so happy no matter what you do and I'm going to watch that infuriate you and tear you apart as you realise there's nothing you can do. You are impotent and I am oblivious.