what do i do

So I (24 F) met this girl (23 F) on a dating app almost 2 years ago and unfortunately before we could meet up she was leaving to go back home for the summer. We had an instant connection on chat on the first night but i felt very uncomfortable the next day sharing so much with a stranger online even though she was matching the energy. we texted eachother a few times a week after that since she got a bit busy with life, but eventually we just stopped talking and i deleted her number and didn’t think anything of it. 2 weeks later she drunk texted me and that spiked up our conversation again and we texted eachother almost everyday for 2 months, literally couldn’t put our phones down to the point everyone was always asking me why i’m smiling so much and why i’m always on my phone.

Then suddenly out of nowhere, she started ghosting me. i was devastated for a week and i was really really upset about it, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat just the only thing i was thinking about, until i found someone else to obsess over (which didn’t work out)

I have pretty good self control when it comes to no contact so i never even thought about double texting, i just started hating her so much. until she sent me a tweet… i remember it was 10/10/2023 cuz the tweet said “are you todays date bae cuz ily” or smth along the lines of that. i ignored it but i kept thinking about it and then i saw she had tweeted about coming back from her summer trip and all i could think about was how bad i wanted to see her and i replied to her tweet which led us to talking again. she told me she had been having dreams about me and how she’s so sorry but she was going through something and she didn’t want to trauma dump, so i eventually forgave her. fast forward, we finally decided to go on a date, i wanted to book something super fancy but she told me she doesn’t like dinner dates as a first date so I just took her out for drinks and we got along really well.. we had no awkward phases, it was amazing seeing her in person but we didn’t have any chemistry (i thought). We also didn’t think we would work out because we weren’t planning on staying in the same country in the long run.

Everything went fine after, we used to still talk everyday, but we stopped flirting and then we just used to talk about seeing other people and seeing eachother in person became more platonic than romantic. I was okay with it because i really enjoyed her company and didnt really think she wanted anything out of this relationship wise anyway. not too long after, i got into a relationship and she never reacted to the fact that i was in a relationship. My relationship didn’t last very long but after it had ended, she said it was unfair that i was dating someone else and she jokingly said i was cheating on her. i was super confused but i obviously didn’t say anything.

We surprisingly are in the same city since the summer and we have been hanging out a lot, i have met her family and her siblings (i love them with all my heart, sweetest family i have ever met) and we always have an amazing time together, but the last 2 times we hung out, they felt like dates.. i felt like i had feelings for her, and if i’m not misreading the social cues, i think she was into me too, just afraid to say anything but we joked about it alot.. our banter consisted of us being jealous if we spoke about someone else or just jokingly flirting w eachother. over a week ago we went out for bottomless brunch and we just kept saying how glad we are to have met eachother and just saying how much we love eachother… and we ended up drinking a lot….. and we finally madeout. it was outside the cinema at first and i literally felt like time stopped for a second. When we went inside the cinema to watch the film, we just couldn’t keep our hands off eachother so she ended up coming over to mine and… yeah… it was intense. maybe it was the build up. (and the fact that we were both ovulating lol)

I was so shocked what had happened that i didn’t even ask her to stay the night she just went home and we probably sent eachother like 4-5 texts for the next 2 days just asking how she’s been (we decided not to bring this up) and we barely have been texting now unless i text her… even then she takes a whole day to respond which is probably the driest text ever and i just physically feel like someone is stabbing my heart.. i also have been religiously stalking her social media to see if she’s actually on her phone or not since she’s taking ages to get back to me now.

Anyway, my problem is i don’t know what will happen from this and if we should talk about it or not.. i don’t think i want this friendship to end but i also think i might have feelings for her i had just been ignoring them. I just don’t like how i get ghosted sometimes and i always have this fear in the back of my mind that she will do it again.