What if you genuinely want the best for your partner, and they genuinely don't care to take care of themselves?

Just waking up to the concept of 'codependency' and realizing how much of it aligns with me and my history of relationships.

TLDR; I'm in a long-term relationship. I care about my physical environment, my physical and mental health, and I don't see that same effort in my partner. I've stopped washing their dishes, doing their laundry, etc, and their response is to cling onto one set of dirty dishes without ever washing them, and re-wearing clothes/buying new ones to avoid doing laundry. We've both put in mental and emotional effort to meet each other on the same page, and we both respect each other for the most part. We're both diagnosed with depression. I'm working on managing mine, and they are just compartmentalizing like crazy, and have decades of compartmentalization to process (if that ever happens). I want to see them be the best version of themselves, or at least be less depressed, but they actively reject any form of physical movement, going outdoors, interacting with other people, nurturing relationships with friends, eating healthy consistently, etc. Whatever we do together ends up being something that involves spending money or laying/sitting next to each other. Inviting them on a short walk is like pulling teeth (they feel pressure, guilt, frustration about it) and for some reason, walks are really meaningful to me. We've found balance, but I feel alone, and I can't figure out how much of it is from my baggage and how much is from the actual dynamic of the relationship. We get into arguments maybe twice a year or so from patterns that stem from me wanting more, and their stance has always been a stubborn "don't expect me to change", and a "if you're unhappy, find someone else" argument. How much of it is me actually trying to exert control, to have a happier version of them for my own selfish desires, and how much of it is reasonable, if any?