A Good Old Fashioned Fist Fight

“You see that guy?” Scout pointed at some random man.

“Yeah.” I worried if she was gonna make me kiss him. 

“Good luck.” She smiled at me. “Hey idiot! It’s Scout, and this human’s gonna kick your ass!” She yelled across the bar and over the jazz band. 

“What?” I glared at her, I turned and saw the idiot in question rush towards me. He was a Link, he had foot long, dull gunmetal colored dragon horns. A tail that swung as he ran, as long and as thick as his leg. Along with a sunny disposition. 

“I’m gonna kill you Scout!” He was close enough that I could smell what he had for dinner the night before. He turned and looked at me, his eyes didn’t technically glow, but a swirl of what looked like the most violent fire in history, forcibly stopped at its peak being the color of his iris, in a dark room. Well, his eyes glowed. I threw my hat at him. 

“Mother-” I jabbed him in the face before he could finish. Dazed, he stumbled back. Okay, let’s think about this Theseus, in less than a half a second, but still. The most important thing is not to step on my hat. The second is that I smell booze on his breath, so he probably won’t do well on any IQ test or fine motor movement. 

He’ll throw a blind hook at my face, I’ll duck. Counter, left hook his liver, (Links have livers right?) another body hook with my other hand. Uppercut with my right, a cross to his nose with my left. Front kick him in the solar plexus, that’ll take the fight and the booze right out of- 

He kicked me in the nuts. I yelped. I remembered all the times I got kicked in the jewels and each time multiplied on each other, every time more painful than the last. As I lurched down in cosmic pain I panicked and threw a cross to his jaw. He dodged and stepped back. 

“Planning is for wimps anyway.” I groaned. Before he could regain his footing I carefully stepped over my hat and carelessly rushed him. He jabbed to keep me away, I ducked. He threw a check hook that I barely blocked. He hit the bartop, I heard glass shatter behind him. His hook still knocked me back. 

He tried to knee me in the nuts and bolts again. I punched his chest and raised my front leg before he could make it to my family lineage. He hit the bar again. 

“Why are you fighting so dirty? You’re bigger and stronger than me, doofus!” I accentuated my point by roundhouse kicking his leg. His leg buckled and he hooked my ribs in return. I stumbled back. 

“I thought humans were supposed to be better fighters.” He walked forward pleasantly underwhelmed. 

“Get used to disappointment.” I put my hands back up and tried to force air back into me. He threw a flurry of punches at me, I dodged or blocked each one, while they got closer to my face. I took a step back. I tried my own attacks but he blocked any punches to the face. When I got a lucky shot to his ribs, he just stood there and took it. Didn’t even move him. I hobbled back some more. 

He faked another kick to my spheres, I blocked, mid way through his kick he changed direction and kicked me right in the solar plexus. I collapsed on my butt and gasped for air. On the ground he walked me down. I scooted back on the sticky bar floor. I looked back and saw where we started, I turned back to the scowling man.

“Okay, fine you win.” I raised my hands.

“No, I’m about to win, after I knock your-” I turned around grabbed my hat from the ground, and threw it at his face again. Briefly shocked at the sudden sequel of my hat, he failed to notice when I doubled legged him. As I grabbed the back of his knees and ran him into the ground he squealed quietly.

As gently and safely as I could manage I launched his body to the ground. With a thud that rumbled the floor, his back on the ground I stuck my knee on his belly, raised my fist in the air. He froze up and didn’t have the good sense to defend himself. I crashed my fist into his nose, but stopped just short. Softly and insultingly I slapped him. 

“Woo!” I heard behind me over the deafening silence. I looked back. 

“Shut up Scout.” 

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Author's Note: Discombobulate. Always liked that scene, would work terribly for Theseus though. Coming up with other ways of saying nuts was fun. Thanks for reading. :}

6/30

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