Convinced myself I can’t speak

Thoughts are now telling me that I actually can’t speak at all. I know this isn’t true, but it feels true and all my efforts to disprove the thoughts fall flat. It feels like my agency has been stripped from me by my own brain.

This happens with a lot of things, like, not being able to look at certain shapes, or not being able to smile. It feels as though I am not a real person and I’m just existing as a collection of thoughts, all of which want to see me fail.

Now I’m thinking I need to be in a psych ward to feel normal, or just around people who are like me. I probably deserve it. I think I’m going to try to overdose