I faked hanging myself to see if someone cared about me and when they didn’t react in the way I had wanted I told them to kill themselves (confession)

This happened about a month ago. I was planning on killing myself anyways so I thought before I did it I would text “I’m hanging from a tree I can’t breathe I love you” to someone I had feelings for. They responded “please tell me this isn’t true” and after I realized I didn’t want to kill myself anymore I tried calling her but according to her friend she got really mad that I texted her that only to try and call her. She gave my number to her boyfriend and I told him how we had sex when they were dating and how she would FaceTime me naked while he was at work (bc it was true). I was so angry and betrayed I texted her the next morning saying how I told him just enough to make sure he never trusts you again, I hope you spend every waking moment wondering when he will leave you, and I told her that she should do herself and the rest of the world a favor and kill herself, but that she’s already dead to me. This person has bipolar and depression suicidal ideation and for me to tell her that was beyond fucked. I was weak. I think I have NPD now because I did something so selfish I couldn’t accept that she cut me out of her life to please her boyfriend when I thought she needed me bc she was struggling.

Now after this has happened I find myself to be even more selfish and careless about people than before. I think about how much I don’t care about anyone and don’t want to care about anyone ever again. I sometimes wish I could hurt people. Not her tho. She’s been through enough. Doubt she even cares anymore anyways.