The anger stage is so important

This post is dedicated to all idealizers, hopeless romantics and people who carry their hearts on their shoulders.

My relationship was by no means mistreatful in any way, it was beautiful. But some moments were still detrimental to both of us, not everything was perfect and if that connection was that heavenly, then it would have not ended.

I am not a person that has difficulty at all to feel sad or to accept sadness (hell, I sometimes dive deep into melancholy just because I find it beautiful in a bittersweet way). But anger is an emotion that rarely occurs in my life, because I tend to sense and avoid conflict beforehand, and am not at all a confrontational person. Also, I value people for their individualities and complexities so I tend to be forgetful, maybe too much sometimes.

I’m now starting to reflect on some moments of the relationship that weren’t good for me. That made me feel not valued. That the other person could have done way better, if they really wanted a fulfilling relationship for both of us. It’s a really strange feeling, but I feel like it is the most progress I made since the breakup.

Realizing that it’s okay to blame some of the aspects of the relationship on the other person is necessary. It’s healthy, to not take all the blame for the up and downs of what you lived. Sometimes you fucked up, but sometimes it was also on them, and sometimes it was no one’s fault. And you have the right to be angry at them. You can even be furious at them. You can let yourself feel that hatred, as long as it doesn’t transform into real life acts and you keep moving forward with your own existence (ie. don’t contact the person to harass them).

I think it’s necessary for toxic relationship but also for very healthy ones. The ones that ended amicably, in this bittersweet manner of parting ways wishing the best for the future. Even if the person’s intention was not to hurt you, they might still have, and you have to let yourself accept the possibility to feel anger and blame towards them. It is possible to do it without demonizing them.

In fact I would say that allowing yourself to feel anger towards the person, is making justice to what you both lived.

You accept what the relationship for what it was, in the most sincere light: the beautiful combination of two complete individuals, with all the good and bad traits that comes with it.