I’m scared I’ll never have enough “chosen family” to fill the gaping hole of my biological family.

I (34F) am in a relationship with a woman, and my extremely Christian conservative family is not supportive. My partner's family is also unsupportive apart from one sibling. My sister in particular puts me down for being in a same sex relationship, threatens me, and gossips about me to my siblings. I haven't told my parents about my relationship because they already have a negative view of me that I can't seem to change no matter what I say or do.

I don't want to go no contact because I love my nieces and nephews and also I don't want unnecessary drama in my life. Instead, I have gradually been offering less and less information about my life or partner, and I schedule meetups less frequently. (They never reach out unless it's a holiday.)

I'm left with this gaping hole as I grieve my family. For years I've told my closest friends and therapist that I love my family more than they love me, but they're my family so I'm just gonna keep loving them. But the pain and betrayal is becoming so much that I know I need a chosen family to take priority.

The trouble I'm having is that my current close friends came from the church and are also not supportive of gay relationships. I have a handful of incredible friends that I can trust with everything and they love me unconditionally, but only one of them lives near me.

I'm scared that I will never find chosen family that will also see me as family. I find myself wondering if it's just gonna be like this until I have kids of my own and can focus on building my own family. But not only do I not want to put that kind of pressure on children to fulfill my need for family, but I want them to have aunts and uncles even if they're not related.

Does anyone relate to this pain? How long does it take to find quality friends that will be like family to you, and how do you find them? Thank you in advance.