I broke no contact....

And I honestly feel that it was a bit enlightening. First of all, they shut me down once again which was expected. But now I certainly have no shred of hope left that we will ever get back together which I see as a positive. But secondly they shed some light on why they felt the need to end things. And tbh, it is so irrational and lacking in logic from my point of view that I don't think I could ever take them seriously again.

Two years ago my ex cheated on me with a mutual online friend. Mind you, I've known this person since I was 13. We are part of the same relatively small gaming community and have been since 2013. I brought my ex into said community in 2022. My ex and said person quickly became friends. Quickly became very very close friends, and next thing I knew my ex had cheated on me with them. We broke up, tons or IRL drama. Tons of online drama. Conflict between me and people I've known since I was a kid. I lost my partner and people I've known for years turned on me.

The whole ordeal was incredibly traumatic for me. I ended up being fairly passive aggressive to both my ex and the dude they cheated on me with and confronted them a handful of times. I spoke my mind, said what I thought to be true, but always avoided petty insults and name calling. Admittedly, I was a bit of a troublemaker here but I was hurting and reeling from a crazy betrayal. It was truly a scenario out of some horrible romance novel. Even being mean to my ex to the extent that I was left me feeling so guilty and disgusted with myself and I apologized many many times.

After their fling we got back together. They forgave me for everything. Said they deserved it and that nothing I did was even that bad. I forgave them as well! Water under the bridge. Things were great from my pov for the next two years.

Well last night, after breaking no contact, they admitted to me that one of the key reasons they broke up with me is because they couldn't move past the fact that I was mean to them during the cheating incident. "The damage we did to each other was irreparable to me." They said. Bro. I have forgiven you time and time again for the most asinine behavior and me being rude during a mental breakdown is worth ending our 8 year relationship over? For 2 years you resented me for this and said nothing?

To top it off they said the last two years I had "been a perfect partner and wonderful". That I had changed what I needed to change and improved how I needed to. But perfect wasn't enough apparently.

IDK man I just find this incredibly stupid. Maybe I'm an asshole? I just cannot understand how that is worth throwing away 8 years, an engagement, a "perfect" partner? In my eyes, you should look at things logically, you forgive people when it's deserved, and you damn well work to save things worth saving.

The real icing on the cake was the fact they told me they had been so miserable the last two years they wished multiple times that they would die so they wouldn't have to break up with me.

A lot of the other things they had to say were relatively sweet but their reason for breaking up has me thinking so little of them I just can't even bring myself to care.