I hate the days i think of Us

Most days I can manage fairly well and im able to think of you and not get sad at all. I talk to our children about things and they tell me about their visits with you and all is fine but i hate the days i think about US. Us before the kids,Us before the wedding, Us before THE THING that ultimately tore us apart.

US loving eachother so much that we would be completely happy doing nothing but laying together all day, US that watched aqua teen hunger force, US that drug sleeping bags to the living room and watched shows together, US that had taco tuesdays and chair races in the kitchen, i hate it when i think about us , the real us.

I always have to snap back to reality and realize that there is no US anymore. We both made bad choices and went down the wrong road and did things that we cant take back. Although you think i was out cheating on u i really wasnt. Well. Not with a person anyways

The truth is i was starting arguments and finding reasons to leave because i was getting high and wanted to continue to get high without u freaking out and causing a scene and going to jail. I wasnt ready to be clean. But i wasnt cheating on you, and thats why i hate to think about Us, because maybe if i wouldve just been honest then u wouldnt have cheated on me with my best friend?

I hate thinking about US because that just leads to thinking about what could have been. And wanting to know do u still love me this many""""""""""" so many that it would blow my little bird heart up? Will u still love me forever and ever til the end of time, til the stars dont shine, because remember what u said my hearts forever yours and yours is forever mine?

I really really fucking hate thinking about us!