There is a difference between being single and being available

For context, the single men I'm addressing here are those who are NOT in any relationship with a woman.

Speaking for myself (moving forward) and from my experience (looking back), there is a difference between being single and being available.

Just because a guy is single, doesn't mean that he's necessarily available. There is a reason why he's single: hung up over someone else, being too busy, things going on in his life, etc. My problem had been believing that it had been my job/responsibility to somehow fix the reason why he's not available (let's say, help him work through his unresolved feelings for his ex) so that way he would be available for me. (I will happily announce that doing so ... never works out. So, I'm not doing that anymore.) That's one of the reasons why I firmly believe in being friends with a guy FIRST before deciding to pursue anything with him ... by freely talking with him as a friend, he will be very uninhibited in explaining to me the reason why he's not available for a relationship.

I firmly believe (again, speaking only for myself) that my vetting process goes beyond a guy being single. He has to be available in order for me to consider him as more than just a friend. He's not available to me if he's emotionally tied up in someone else (real or imagined). If his life is in dysfunction and he's lost while trying to figure things out, his focus should be more on getting his shit together and therefore unavailable for a relationship. He's not available if he's somehow confused, indecisive, or otherwise needing to "figure things out" when it comes to me.

The upswing to this downside is that it will save me unnecessary heartbreak. IT IS NOT MY JOB OR MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE AN UNAVAILABLE MAN AVAILABLE FOR ME. Regardless of the reason, if he's unavailable for me from the jump, he's not going to change. I won't have my time and energy wasted by trying to "fix" him. I also will not be throwing myself at him, hoping that he would one day "wake up" and suddenly want me back. That shit may work out on the silver screen and Hallmark's made-for-TV movies, but that doesn't work in real life.

What was the definition of insanity, again???

On a final note, I didn't mention those single guys who creep in my DMs trying to troll for spicy pictures and make rude inquiries about sexual things. It's beyond obvious that those are the unavailable ones, loudly announcing themselves as Mr. Wrong.

Again, I'm only speaking for myself here. As I continue on my journey to learn and discover between a single guy and the guy who's not only single but available, I'll eventually grow out of my placeholder position and retire from it. My being a single woman doesn't mean that I'm a placeholder for a single and unavailable guy. There's more honor and self-respect in being alone than filling an empty space for a guy who's unavailable. My job right now, in regard to my future right guy, is to make sure that my heart is open for him and not inappropriately occupied by someone who has no business being there.

That is all.