I (M24) need advice and I am feeling very lost about this girl F27. Do I reach out or wait for her?

I met this girl(F27) in April, and we really hit it off. I’ve done more with her than I’ve done with any other girl, and things were going great at first, but now I’m in a bit of a tricky spot.

For context, I work on cruise ships, so I’m often away, but my current contract ends December 15th, and I plan to switch careers to something that doesn’t require so much travel. Because of my schedule, I don’t get to see her often, but when I’m in town, we spend a lot of time together and do fun things like going to Disney World. Early on, I asked her where her head was at, and she told me she had recently ended a 4.5-year relationship and lived with her ex. She says she’s over him but is still processing the breakup. I told her there’s no pressure—I’m interested in her, and neither of us is talking to anyone else. Essentially, I’ve been waiting for her to be ready to date, even though we already act like a couple. She just hasn’t been ready to commit because she’s still working through her own stuff.

Recently, I found out her ex doesn’t know about me. They still follow each other on social media, though he lives in North Carolina, far from us. One night before the cruise, I took her out to dinner and she got up and went to the bathroom and came back crying saying that and said that she was sorry because she got a really long passage from her ex. She mentioned he reached out the day after her birthday to wish her a happy birthday, and she told me about it. That’s when I asked if he knew about me, and she said no.

I brought her on one of my cruise contracts, which happened to be over her birthday, and we had an amazing time. She even let me introduce her as my girlfriend several times (though she made sure to remind me beforehand that we weren’t officially dating). She was affectionate the entire cruise, and I was genuinely so happy—she seemed to be, too. But after the cruise, her behavior changed. She mentioned she’d probably post some photos from the trip but wouldn’t tag me, claiming we’d already talked about it, though I don’t remember that conversation. She posted two sets of photos without me in them, and the third post upset me because not only was I not in any of the 15 photos, but she also deleted my comment. I had written, “I had such a great time with you :)” but she didn’t see it until the next day. When I said good morning, she told me she deleted the comment and wanted to have a conversation later in the week to share her thoughts. She said it wasn’t a huge deal but wanted to explain. After that, she tried to carry on like nothing had happened, but I felt really hurt and have been distant with her since. Her family and friends know about me, but it seems like she’s hiding me from someone.

I’ve had most of October free but will be leaving for a 24-night cruise at the end of the month, so I won’t see her for a while. I’m feeling lost—I really like this girl, but it feels like there’s something she’s not telling me, and I feel disrespected, especially since I’ve done so much for her, including giving her a 9-night cruise for free. She also gives me mixed signals and talks about things in our future in a positive way as if we are going to be dating but then will also do the exact opposite on a different day. She will say that I have been the best guy to her ever and done more for her than any other guy and treat her so well but she will say things like she does not deserve me because I am too nice.

We met up and talked about it a few days later after she reached out and asked me if I still wanted to talk. I told her I felt disrespected about the whole situation with her deleting my comment and she said she felt disrespected that I even left the comment and said it made her feel pressured. She then proceeded to gaslight me and make me out to be the bad guy because I wouldn’t watch her dog. She told me that she was so upset she threw away my toothbrush and didn’t understand why I let that comment define us because in her words “you’re the only guy sleeping in my bed and the only person I’m spending all my time with but you wanted to die on that tiny little hill of a comment. I unfortunately fell for it and apologized. She said I broke her trust and she doesn’t know if she can move past this or forgive me but that she needs time and space. She said she hopes I have fun on my next cruise and she said “I’m not telling you not to reach out but just know if you do, it’s not going to be the same and I may or may not reply.” In the moment I was emotional and said that I hope we can talk about this when I’m back from my next contract and she said maybe.

I have been on this cruise now for almost 3 weeks and I get back in a few days. I haven’t reached out to her or contacted her the last thing that I said to her was thank you for talking with me and she said have a good night and I said you too. Nothing has been said at all since then and that was 3 weeks ago. Everyone has been telling me not to reach out. She’s been liking some of my instagram posts and I’ve liked a few of her stories and the other day I liked her story and then she posted a petty quote that read “Self-respect is when you stop being easily available to people who never prioritise you.” I felt very upset when I saw that because it seems that she wants me to reach out to her first when I feel it should be the other way around since she was the one who wanted space.

I’m very upset and I miss her a lot but lots of people have been telling me that she’s not good for me and that she’s been stringing me along and that she’ll never be ready for a relationship with me.

This has been going on now for around 7 months.