It has been a year and I am still not over it.

I (30M) met my WW (30F) in grad school and we started dating. A year after graduating, we married. Every thing was great. She was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen and was way out of my league. Beyond her physical beauty, she was the nicest person I had ever met. She was kind, thoughtful, empathetic. She definitely made me a better person.

About two years ago, she started a new job. At first, she talked a lot about the job, and especially about her new boss. She clearly admired and was impressed by him and was proud that he was very happy with her work. But some time after that I noticed that she stopped mentioning him. That was the first red flag. I didn't ask anything, though.

Then, I noticed she seemed a little distant with me. She seemed “off.” She was still very loving and affectionate, but her mood wasn't as light and I would occasionally see her dry tears. I asked what was wrong, but she assured me that she was fine.

At the same time, she started working longer hours. That is not unusual in our profession. And she would occasionally go out for drinks after work with coworkers on Thursday and Friday nights. Again, that is not unusual. Sometimes I did too, with my own coworkers.

Then there were the more frequent dinners with clients, and also overnight business trips. Again not unusual in our business.

But something in the pit of my stomach told me something was wrong. I never checked her phone before. One night, when she was “out to dinner with clients,” I grabbed her iPad, which was linked to her phone. She never really uses her iPad. i guessed her PIN pretty easily. I saw emails and text messages between her and her boss. Most were business related, but some were flirty, with them comlimenting the other on their clothing and appearance. Others were discussions of where they would meet up, and what time they would leave work, or what restaurants they would have dinner at. It was clear that SOMETHING was going on. These texts and emails went back about three months

I checked our credit card bills, but there was nothing out of the ordinary. I checked her iPad again and did not see any inappropriate photos.

I put a tracker in her car. One night while she was sleeping, I changed her settings so that I could track her location.

One night, when she told me she was working late at the office, the GPS in her car showed her at a restaurant. I drove there, and sure enough, her car was there. I was tempted to go in to see if she was with her boss, but I didn’t want her to see me. Shortly after that, she told me that she was going out for drinks with her coworkers. I went to her office and parked outside, but where I wasn't visible. I saw her walk out with her boss. They were parked near each other, each got into their cars and drove off. I tracked her to a hotel. His car was there too. After a bit of time, I went in and went to the bar. But they weren't at the bar.

i did this over a period of a month and found other similar things.

I retained a lawyer and told him to file divorce papers. On the day before the divorce petition was to be filed in court, I told me wife that I had made dinner reservations at a fancy restaurant for the next night ( Friday) and to be home from work by 5 so we could get ready. She agreed. I took Friday afternoon off from work. I decided to give her some gifts.

i found an old ring box, took my wedding ring off and put it in the ring box. Then I took a copy of the divorce petition and put that in a gift box. Finally, I took our framed wedding portrait and put that in a gift box, with a note saying “ I thought you might want a reminder of what you destroyed.”

I wrapped each box separately with gift wrap and ribbon and put all three boxes in a larger box which I also wrapped. At the bottom of the box I left another note saying “I KNOW.” It also said “There are two suitcases in our bedroom. If you have any decency, please be gone by 7:00.”

Then I left.

I kept checking our doorbell camera, but she didn't leave, so at 11:00 I went home. She was in the living room, holding our wedding portrai. She was in tears. As soon as she saw me, she said “I'm sorry” and she begged me not to leave her. I said as coldly as I could that I had loved her so much but now I loathe her and that I never want to see her again. After a lot more crying and begging, she packed her bags and left. I told her she could come back another time to get her other things as long as I wasn't there.

She did not contest the divorce. We sold the house and split our accounts. Everything went quickly and easily.
The only time I saw her was at our final divorce hearing and we did not speak.

i should feel good about this, but I don't. In fact, I feel worse than ever. I have been in therapy since all this happened, but it hasn’t really helped. I am also taking antidepressants, but they have helped very little. I force myself to see my friends and family, but I feel no joy. I have no interest in dating. I wish that I had given her the chance to explain and to try to make amends. She was my everything and now I have nothing. All I do is go to work, go to the gym and sleep.

Does it ever get better? What can I do to get over this downward spiral?

it has been about four months since the divorce was final and a little more than a year since I filed.

i should add that I have run into her older brother a few times. He told me that after my confrontation with her, she quit her job, found a new job and that she completely ended things with her boss (who is/ was married) At first, she went to stay with her parents and now has an apartment near them.