My emotional encounter with Christ, Coincidence or not

I'd just lusted*, like I always did*, lusted again and again. And I'd always pick up courage to go pray, in a way that turned into another part of my day, a routine. Although, while I was praying, I asked God to allow me to choose my own path, and to not help me. That was a grave mistake I will never forget. I opened my eyes, and the days flew by until not long ago. I was in school, and nothing seemed to catch my eye until most of my friends had suddenly turned their back on me, except a few. I found nothing abnormal about that because I was used to it, I was always the taller, bigger friend but also the one who would be left out due to sticking out of the crowd.

Then I went home and slept, again and woke up to a fresh day.

This day was different, I woke up feeling moody, without any energy, I barely had any strength to hold a toothbrush for 2 minutes. Once I was done I began scrolling on Tiktok and I was off to school. Just so you know, this day was a day before my birthday.

When I went to school suddenly people felt sympathy for me, I wasn't my usual self, I was so drained and tired, nearly falling asleep on the desk. Although some people, were just not speaking to me, ignoring me as such. I confronted it,

"Why are you ignoring me today?" I would then ask, then they would always reply with
"I was just tired." or as a joke they would say, "Heh, I'm on my period." - Matter in fact they're male

I'd ignore it, it was the usual being left out, but not a day before my birthday. Maybe they forgot, like they always did because for the past 2 years the day of my birthday was catastrophe, always being in a bad mood or family issues.

Anyways, I got home and it was all normal until a friend messaged me moaning about another "friend" of mine saying how he's always been fat shamed while playing games with them on a party. I also ranted how that friend ignored me today and I felt like he was talking behind my back, my friend then told me how that "friend" had always been speaking behind my back. I didn't believe it at first until I went downstairs in the dark and began to pray, I felt a sense I've never seen, something telling me he's not lying. So I decided to confront the person who was betraying me. And so be, 3 people talking behind my back I'd find out, and all of them wanting SYMPATHY from me.

How am I meant to forgive them when they never forgave me I said. Until I prayed again, and again, and again until I had the strength in me to say, I forgive you, but I will always remember what you did.

Did I do the right choice? Did I succeed in my actions.

PS: My birthday went really well, for once.