Playing Through Every Choices Book, In Order (Part 96: Witness, A Bodyguard Romance)

Hey! Today we enter the witness protection program after witnessing the grisly murder of a mob boss!

Next time, we go to the town our mother lived in to try and get some information on her in general...only for us to uncover werewolves instead.

Link to previous reviews: https://www.reddit.com/user/stresseatingdog/comments/sj3s3m/all_choices_reviews_megapost/

Witness: A Bodyguard Romance

M/C: Valentina Garcia

Final Love Interest(s): Cassian

Favorite Characters: Cassian

Least Favorite Characters: M/C, Aisling, Finn

Rating: 2/10

Review:

This book tries so much, and none of it works. It's almost an accomplishment, really.

Let's start with the elephant in the room: the diamond system. Pixelberry decided they'd do something new with this book, and decided that more, smaller-cost diamond choices might prove better than less, more expensive diamond choices. Spoiler alert, they didn't.

Not only is half the content in this book locked behind diamonds, some of these diamond choices are ridiculous. Everyone has seen the infamous "eat breakfast" choice, but there's also such classics as "take the book from Cassian", or "duck behind glass and avoid being tased". There are so many of them, and without paying for all of them, you are getting a half-baked experience.

And issue is compounded by this book already being half-baked in the first place. Even if the diamond choices were normal, this book would suck.

Firstly, the length. This book is 28 chapters long, and is "split" into two volumes. I say "split" loosely, since a minor time skip is the ONLY thing that differentiates the first and second volumes...oh, and Aisling grows up, I guess. This book is so, so long, and so much of that is filler, and it just keeps slogging onward. And yet, they still have the audacity to rush the ending and have M/C defeat Aisling in one chapter.

Let's talk about the characters, starting with M/C, who is so, so annoying, especially if you don't do the diamond choices. She is consistently whiny and rude towards Cassian and just in general with her attitude, and it is so frustrating. Her reaction to Cassian's proposal is just...so over-the-top for what?

Cassian, however, is enjoyable. They are the only LI you can customize down to the hair, which I thought was really interesting, and something I'd like to see brought back in the future. Beyond the customization, Cassian is pretty sweet and somewhat charming, although overall they are kind of bland. I also hate how much they say "Christ"...I know they're Irish, but it irked me to no end.

The villains here are such a joke. For such a deadly and dangerous mobster duo, Killian and Maeve are such pathetic villains who aren't even that intimidating, and the most they do is kind of sneer a bit. Meanwhile, Aisling is...a volatile thirteen-year old girl, who is thoroughly uninteresting and only starts to enact her villainy towards the very tailend of the book.

The plot is certainly an interesting concept, but it just isn't taken in an interesting direction. Hell, the O'Connells' didn't even know M/C was the witness to see them at first. The whole thing is pretty much just an excuse for M/C and Cassian to have sex constantly, which, hey, I get it...it's a smut. However, I am disappointed that the whole witness protection plot was kind of sidelined.

M/C and Cassian's romance is at least a little better than the "romances" in Surrender or The Nanny Affair, but I still feel there isn't enough romance and a bit too much "using sex as our only hobby".

Oh, and of course, like every abysmal book, this one is genderlocked for absolutely NO reason.

I will give a point for the Cassian customization options, which I thought was neat, and M/C also has such a large amount of hairstyles to choose from.

Overall, this book tried to do a lot of new things, and it succeeded at...like one thing, and that thing is the LI customization in chapter ONE. Really not a fan, at all.

(p.s if you want a good piece of media set in Ireland, watch Derry Girls!)