I disowned my family on thanksgiving

My parents have been abusive to me as a child and I told them I was over it because they were young raising me. I invited them over to my boyfriend and I's thanksgiving. He has a large family and I did not hear them knock and I guess their doorbell was broken. When I realized they were there I went outside and everyone was gone. I called my dad and he was very angry and I basically blacked out and started screaming at them in front of my boyfriends family and they kept hanging up but I kept calling to scream back at them because they said someone answered the door and just stared at them, which I know isn't true and I gave them the correct address. I texted my mom and said she had a shitty marriage and she always just let my dad abuse us and I told her I disowned her and blocked her. We have a very close relationship and call often.

I feel horrible and want to die now.

I don't know what to do. I can't take it back and she won't talk to me.

I don't know what to do