I (22 F) don’t know what to do with my partner (M 27)

For context, in the past he’s cheated on me over the internet with random women sexting. He never met up with these women so I guess that’s part of the reason I just kept forgiving him for it. Another part of the issue is he’s my first everything so it’s very difficult for me to just let go. We’ve been together for almost 5 years. Another part of context is we’re long distance, I think that’s important to note lol.

Now here comes the most recent issue. Since mid to end September he’s been weird towards me. Hasn’t been texting or snapping me as much, and when he does the messages just seem dry & short to me. He hasn’t been calling me at night, the couple times we have since September is because I called him. Then when I tried bringing this to his attention last month in a calm, mature conversation. It blew up into this massive argument that lasted over the course of 4 days. I would go to bed after crying for 3+ hours while he’s asleep. After the argument he basically said that he doesn’t know if he wants to be with me, so I said whenever he has issues or a mental breakdown it’s okay and I’m there for him but when it’s me you’re ready to give up? Doesn’t seem like the love is mutual. I mean he says we’re fine now and everything is okay but not calling me, dry texts, etc are continuing so I’m just like wtaf.

Now here comes a confession that honestly kind of makes me feel awful. I have never thought of another person since being with him, even after the times he’s hurt me. I started this new job and there’s this guy that works there that I am starting to have a major crush on. Like when he’s near me I get jittery and my heart races. Last night I pleasured myself thinking about my work crush which in a sense makes me feel like I cheated. At the same time though, I’m just like I wouldn’t be feeling this way if my voice was heard in the relationship and I felt like I was wanted. I mean my boyfriend and I haven’t done sexy time since September, which I’ve tried initiating since then a couple times. I’m just feeling unwanted and unheard when I speak about issues in our relationship, which is driving me insane.