I see this often, but I feel like I am broken.

I have been “gently” raped or coerced numerous times. I don’t find myself attracted to the violent rapes, but the others I cannot seem to stop thinking about.

I’m writing a romance book and one characters ex drugs him and fucks him and I get off to the various ideas I get for the scenes every single night. I love the idea of reluctantly loving the rape, cumming hard and secretly wanting more.

I can’t get off to the ideas every single of anything consensual anymore. Just the gentle or coerced rape scenarios. It makes me feel like I’m some horrible sick person that should be jailed or something just for my thoughts.

I’m open to talk or answering any questions or hearing advice, etc. Just don’t be weird about it lol