What way do you look after yourself during a meltdown?

CW: stim-related self injurious behaviour

During a meltdown the last thing on my mind is looking after myself; right now, in my rational mind, I know I really don’t want to hurt myself. As is the nature of meltdowns, I struggle listening to my rational mind when I’m having one, I lose control and my body’s response is to hit myself; it’s a default way to regulate the built up ball of yucky emotions.

Then the yucky emotions get a lot worse, it’s self-degrading and scary and instantly regrettable.

I’m newly diagnosed and in the midst of what I spent 24 years believing was recurring depressive episodes, but have learnt is severe burnout from blindly navigating a world built not for my neurodivergent brain while holding myself to painfully stringent neurotypical standards. My meltdowns (pre-diagnosis considered panic attacks) grow substantially in both frequency and intensity when I’m like this. It’s distressing afterwards, covering bruises makes me feel dirty, and I know it’s so distressing for my partner, he feels powerless to help and my brain never lets him.

I’m in the process of beginning to understand why I find myself stuck in this pattern but have none of the tools for or understanding of how to break myself out of if it. How do I take all the self-facing anger and overwhelm I feel during a meltdown and redirect it towards a healthy outlet? What are the things I can do to protect myself? To have compassion and respect for myself when the fuse blows in my brain and my nervous system short circuits all at once?