idk what’s up with me

i’m gonna label this mental health because it most likely is that, however i don’t know.

i’m a girl in highschool and ive been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. we didn’t get super sexual (as i plan on saving myself for marriage and will continue to uphold that) but he would like grab my boobs and thighs and all of that early on. over time i got VERY led to sexual aversion and my libido has decreased to almost nothing. it’s very hard for me to get turned on, and when i am, it’s often random and unwanted/uncomfortable. i know i want to be normal and be able to have sex eventually when im married and feel sexual attraction but i just don’t. im sometimes okay with him touching my boobs but i still haven’t let him see them, which is a very odd preference but 🤷‍♀️ i am VERY against any idea of oral sex, whether it be giving or receiving (haven’t tried but i don’t plan on it and i feel physically repulsed by thinking of it.) I just feel so bad because my boyfriend wants me to be more open about at least showing my body to him but truthfully i don’t think id be able to even show him my boobs til after our one year, even then it’s not guaranteed. i’d like to mention i have diagnosed severe anxiety since childhood and i am on birth control (for period cramps) which i think is able to affect libido? i really don’t know whats wrong with me but i don’t like feeling so sex repulsed. anytime my bf tries to do something that is unwanted by me (he always asks, dw) i say i dont know if i want to (never straight up no, although he knows not to) and shut down and go quiet for a while. i also am not a super big fan of making out or kissing with tongue. I also only let him touch my boobs if im in a very stress-free state of mind. thing is, i know im not asexual because i have the ability to be turned on and i know its not my boyfriend because i am attracted to him i just don’t find any appeal in sex in general with ANYONE. i just can’t manage when i want to be turned on i guess? any moves made to get me in the mood either by myself or my boyfriend just makes me shut down and feel gross like i need to scrub myself clean. i have no past trauma relating to anything of the sort and none of my exes have ever tried anything sexual to make me have a negative outlook. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, if i’ll ever get better, and (although my boyfriend swears he won’t get bored or dissatisfied) i’m terrified he will get bored and leave and find someone more willing to be sexual with him. any advice helps, although i truly don’t want to have to discuss this directly with a therapist, as it’ll just lead me to being more uncomfy with the entire thing.

but any advice in relation to what me and him can do to help me is what i’m really asking for