[serious] suicide genuinely seems to be the only solution in the future when all else fails.

Okay, I wanna start this post by asking for anyone who responds to refrain from making jokes or light of this post because I am being 100% serious right now.

I won’t make this long but I’ve realised that I will never make a living beyond minimum wage.

I flopped out of uni in 2016 and I never had a job that I stuck to for more than 6 months before I went NEET. I’ve bounced from job to job and quit and/or got fired because I didn’t give a fuck about my Job/was a shitty employee.

Ever since mid 2019, I’ve been a NEET.

My father being my sole saving grace (my religious/cultural background makes it so that fathers = in charge of daughters til they’re married but I’m also a forever alone girly lmao)

Anyways, my dad’s getting on in age and showing signs of declining health and I know he will die one day.

All inheritance, because “ISLAM”, will be going to my brothers and my mother and me and my sis will get the crumbs.

Once that happens, I’m utterly fucked.

Me and my mother’s relationship is nonexistent. We tolerate each other, that’s as far as it goes. She has caused me countless trauma and is basically a raging narcissist. See r/raisedbynarcissists. We live under the same roof but speak to each other maybe once every month.

I’ve also lowkey kinda stopped giving a fuck about life in general. I’ve stopped socialising outside of the internet. I’m in my room either on my phone or on the PlayStation. Typical NEET stuff.

My whole life is spent distracting myself from the reality I will one day be ending myself.

My genuine only concern is my cats. I have 2 I love sooo much. And they keep me sane (you can see my entire Reddit history for proof)

I guess I’m just hanging around til my dad dies and then I’ll decide if I’m gunna end myself or become another cog in the capitalist machine.

How the fuck does one be a normal human with this sort of realisation/internalisation?

Also, I’m kinda drunk right now and over sharing will more than likely delete when I wake up.