I Didn’t Know I Could Hurt So Much

I had to let my Riley go nearly 3 months ago and I don’t think I’ve gone a single day without crying since. I can’t stop second guessing if I gave up too soon or if I made him suffer too long and either way, did he understand? Did he blame me? Did he know how much I loved him and wished I could keep him forever? But most of all, will I ever see him again?

Tonight, it’s the last few hours of 2024 and it’s been one of the hardest years of my life, but also 2025 is the first of who knows how many years I have to live through entirely without him. I’ve literally been bawling because it hurts so much. At this point, if I could at least dream of him, I would be so happy. Especially if it felt like he was visiting me. I’ll take anything.

I feel bad because I have 2 other dogs and a human daughter, but I had Riley first and he’s just irreplaceable. I just feel awful, constantly.