Got any kind words?

Am struggling today/these days with the past going round in my head. I’m so fed up with sexual violence and my own confused internal state. I want to be kind to myself but I don’t seem to manage it. Instead I get drunk or stoned etc, as if I want to damage myself still further. I don’t get it. I want to cry but I can’t, because then my husband will get upset with me, and that’ll just make things worse.

So if any of you have any spare words of encouragement or support, I could do with hearing them.