Age gap advice.

first i’ll tell y’all how it all started then i’ll tell y’all my concern. fyi: i’m fully aware of everything that’s happening please don’t speak to me like i’m dumb

when we met online i was high and impulsively looking for someone MY AGE to hang out with since i have no friends and i do online school. When i saw him i saw his age but people are known to lie about their age so i assumed he was at least a year younger than what he put on the app, he ended up actually being 19 but i decided to go with it anyway because i expected it to be super temporary between us. when i told him i was 16 and asked if that was okay there was slight hesitation and thinking, and then he asked me “are YOU okay with it?” i mean i was kind of uncomfortable about the fact that he could even be considered a grown man and the fact that his hesitation was only slight, so i decided to block him and find someone closer to my age… I COULD NOT FIND SOMEONE CLOSER TO MY AGE WHATSOEVER it was a big waste of time because boys are just so lousy nowadays so the next day i said f it and i unblocked him🤷🏾‍♀️we talked otp and linked the same night. surprisingly we clicked, did the do, and chilled. that night went so smoothly that we decided to do it again the next night, unfortunately when that night came my mom was wide awake and became paranoid because she “saw a man walking up to our house” her room window is literally the face of our house so she most definitely seen him walking up lol. she was so scared that she stayed up til 3-4 am therefore he didn’t leave until 5-6 am that morning (he was hiding in the closet) After that night she ended up telling my sister and my sister questioned me about it, then my mom texted me and we left it alone.

part 2: I believe it was that same week that i came up with a plan to tell everyone that i got called into work just to go hang out with him. i left at about 10-11 am that morning because i usually work 8 am shifts and was actually supposed to work that day but got called out a couple of days prior so getting called in last min shouldn’t have been suspicious at all but my mom is like a psychic i could tell that she knew something was up even though she was half asleep.

Anyway i decided that we would meet up at the Publix next to my job so that he could pick me up from there and at this point it’s our 3rd time meeting so there wasn’t any awkwardness or anything like that. after he picked me up we went to the mall for a couple of hours and to his parents house as well like we were both enjoying ourselves having a good time thinking everything went smoothly but just as we were on our way back and the day was over… i got a text from my sister asking where i was, according to my ex co worker my mom called my job 3 different times and found out i wasn’t at work but when that escalated i didn’t really get into much trouble because again my mom just texted me and my sister “raised her voice at me” and called me weird but other than that nothing happened. yes i feel bad because usually i’d just have to ask and she’d say yes even if it’s eventually but there’s obviously a good enough reason on why i decided to keep it a secret.

now it’s been almost 2 months and i’m talking to the same said person but he’s now 20 and i’m almost 17 so i feel like it could get even more complicated. but for now we just hang out a lot and it’s still the same, we just click. But just the other day he randomly told me that he wanted to openly be with me BUT not until i’m “of age” which sounds very odd thinking about it but reasonable. i just don’t know how to feel about it because having to sneak around for a year and a half is so stressful and ultimately just not how i wanted to do things but if not sneak around what else could we do? because even though it’s “legal” for us to date it’s not acceptable in the real world or my household. Another thing is i still see us as temporary! mainly because i have trust issues and whatever i THINK he’s doing outside of us is true in MY mind. but besides my personal feelings he’s so great i see him as someone i could spend the rest of my life with, he’s selfless, expresses his self well, if i don’t like it he simply won’t do it, he compliments me outside of my body, he’s just for me, i’m just not sure that this is the path that God has me set on just yet. For right now i think i’ll just let it be until the unknown happens.