I don't know what to do and feel like I'm suffering every day

Hello everyone,

I don't really know what tag to put this under because it covers a few of them so I just picked the one I see fit the most.

I'm 16 and my life has been so brutally difficult since pretty much the summer between grade 9 And 10. That whole summer I would contemplate every day weather to take my own life or fight one more day and I've been that way almost every day since. The thing that first started everything is witnessing domestic violence between my parents then everyone close to me siding with my mom's abuser because he has been able to manipulate and turn them against me and my family. I've been told things like "it's not as bad as you say it is" by my own members of my family who choose to belive his story.

I had someone to turn to for some of that time I was struggling. A (now ex) girlfriend of a year and a half. She was my entire life for that amount of time I had sacrificed friends, family and everything else for her and I felt like it was the right decision. When she broke up with me out of no where in August it was practically the end for me. I'm still struggling and have been struggling in silence this whole time and refuse/don't feel like I have anyone to talk to about it(I have such a gut feeling that I would be told to "just get over it" and have been before. It was even more brutal to see her get with someone we had both been friends with for out whole relationship 2 weeks after she broke up with me. All of my remaining self esteem has been ripped away from me and I'm so scared to even try to start anything again and face rejection but I also don't feel like I can be alone anymore. Reading back on our old messages ive realized she kind of took advantage of my caring and kindness during our relationship and its made me wonder why i even tried and stuck around. I'm not very attractive and I've recently started to struggle to even have conversations or confidence when talking with people(I was incredibly social before we broke up) and that's dragged me down even further. I've just given up on trying to reach out to people and just stay up for hours at night waiting for someone to text/snap me so I can have any kind of interaction with people

At this point music is my ultimate escape. Collecting music is keeping me alive and I get critiqued by pretty much everyone I tell about my hobby gets matched with "why would you waste your money on something like that" and makes me think twice about telling other people.

Everything around me always kind of wonders why I stay in my room all day and don't really do anything. I've kept this all a secret for so long and feel like im putting a burden on someone when i talk about my feeling and choose to not but its getting to a point where im almost to giving up.

Sorry for the long post and rambling on this us pretty much the most I've talked about any of this and I've felt judged the whole time writing this I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm trying my best everyday and am hoping to get better in the future.

Thank you for your time reading this