i hate this life

welp. hi. again.

i’m so lonely and sad in this life that i keep in daily contact with my abusive ex. i have moved out of his house. i rent a room in a townhouse. it sucks in here! there’s no heat in my room. i used to have my own bathroom but there was bad water damage which made the ceiling fall in downstairs. so i’ve had to share with my roommate. they aren’t the cleanest.

i went over to his house yesterday because he told me we could get food. i wanted a break from how cold it is in my place. we smoked weed and we got food. we got back and laid down. ofc he wanted to have sex. i can’t be around him ever and not have sex. especially now. i’m not his girlfriend anymore so the only way he’d keep talking was if there was sex involved. that’s how men work it seems. he kept touching me in places that trigger me so i just laid there on my stomach and let him get off. i didn’t moan once because i didn’t wanna pretend to like it. i just knew he wasn’t gonna stop asking. he kept asking me over and over to take the condom off and i kept saying no.

i feel dumb but i truly have nobody else. not a soul in the world is here for me. i’m tired of it.