i’m so unbelievably cooked

so i’ve had a dream of joining the army for a while right? well not anymore! i need a waiver to show i’m self harm clean. I want to enlist when i’m 16. I have to be a few years clean and prove it. Wtf do i do i dont wanna be clean for a few yeaaarss especially since its my favourite coping method.

SO! i need tips. what are some substitutes for sh and some things to keep me motivated??