I have trauma

Heads up: I know it's natural to give validation to these kinds of post, but please, it's unnecessary I know what you guys are about, you're good.

Straight up not sure what to do. Partially I'm 'Over it' but I'm really not and I think I need to talk about it.

I have trauma about certain people, being touched by them, and having them in my personal space. I was sexually abused as a little boy by a grown person who groomed me to be their "best friend".

It really, really altered my life course, my personality, my tastes, my fears, my paranoias. It changed everything about myself. I became twisted and deranged with my sexuality. I was talking to kids in elementary school about dicks and pussies and everything like that when I was a little boy. I was addicted to porn before I was 13. I struggled with body dysmorphia and suicidal ideation until I graduated high-school. It was only then that I started to 'get better' one could say.

I thought I was over it, honestly. I keep thinking that I'm over it but, I keep, not being over it lmao. But it's hard man, I try to deal with it on my own since, you know, it's a little cringe to talk about irl lmao. Plus, it makes people uncomfortable, they don't know what to say, and I feel bad for making my friends feel like they don't know what to say. So....I just don't want to put them in that position.

I guess here I am, venting lmao. Just, you know, some guy with 25 year old trauma he can't let go of. It's embarrassing.