Trans and terrified

I’m 26, FTM, and have no chance of passing as female after transitioning for 4 years. The government is indefinitely holding all my documents as per instruction from the Secretary of State. I have no proof of citizenship and no chance of passing as my assigned gender of birth to stay safe now that I’ll almost definitely be on some government watchlist. I update my name but now I can’t change my license over to my new state with my new name before I have to apply for new apartments in 2 months. I don’t know how I’ll get approved to rent even though I have a career as a manager and a 750 credit score. It’s very hard not to kill myself. Is there any reason to stay alive? I’ve been trying for my dad and partner but I just feel like there is no point. I’ll never be able to use the bathroom in public again now and I fear that I’ll be arrested for being trans with the state department having me on some list.