[2687] Romance two different chapter one versions

Okay so I have the manuscript finished. It will be a cheesy little romance novel. I've written two versions of this chapter. (Alternate scene in red).I know both need more editing but which should I move forward with. Open to any other thoughts you have as well. Thanks.

My critique: https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/E3v6lw9buZ

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/Ah87jLv2So

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/bHAEYCUmug

https://www.reddit.com/r/DestructiveReaders/s/gKITiIChpr

My work: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1lgLVUS_N8BG9mfi5zqURB4LqpIobXn2noKyXoIWKgTk/edit?usp=drivesdk