I'm just having a crazy spiral

Getting married is so important to me, I'm so ready to have a life partner. I feel like I almost already have one since we've been inseparable for the past 5 years.

I wish it wasn't important to me, it shouldn't be since it would be a bad financial decision to be married in my current situation.

I just desperately wish someone craved me, someone who couldn't live without me. Someone who looks at me and never wants to go a day where they don't see me. I feel that about my current partner, I can't imagine a life without them, and if I do I don't want to. I can't imagine not seeing their face, or hearing their voice.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. Why is this so important to me? Why is it not important to him? Do I need a new boyfriend ? I'm so tempted to runaway in hopes he realizes how important I am and comes and finds me? I can't stop crying and it's been hours.

Is this all in my head and I really matter to him?