Super manly, I guess?

My son thinks his dad is the epitome of manliness (fearless, no feelings...basically all the standards traits of toxic masculinity) and wants more than anything to be just like Daddy.

A couple of days before the end of last year (2024), he and his dad conspired to get him to a party that he was invited to by a girl who promised to "give him some coochie,"...YUCK...not my words.

His dad dropped him off at the party and told him not to contact him should anything come up because he would be too busy chasing new tail to be of any help and, next morning before 7 am, I got a call from the local hospital stating my son was in the ER. He came in screaming and completely out of it to the point of not knowing his name so the hospital admitted him as a John Doe.

Turns out, he overdosed on a combination of benzos and alcohol. I've since shipped him across the country with Grandma as I wanted him as far from Dad as possible. Dad continues to deny that he had any part in Son's getting to the party at which he overdosed but I know the full story.

Real story: Daddy told Son that he would take him to the party on one condition: Dad's facilitating would never be exposed because he's scared of me (4'7.5" 40 year old woman) and my 69-year old mother.

I'm mad at both of them but I can't seem to make my son accept that his dad is the fearless towering hunk of man that he thinks he is since he's scared of little middle-aged lady and her elderly mother.

It's been 1.5 months and Dad hasn't checked on Son once while I call everyday and somehow, per Son, I'm the asshole who abandoned him (Son)? Guess it's all my fault...

I'm literally physically ill with grief (sleep and appetite all over the place, 20 lbs lost, upset stomach( knowing my son, who was supposed to be with his dad, was near death literally across town while I was sleeping and missing him desperately. I know it's very specific but can anyone relate?